Shane Jesse Christmass
Shane Jesse Christmass is a Perth-born, Melbourne-based writer.

Adelaides Paroxysm Press published an anthology of his short stories called Croak & Grist in 2008. He's also published a number of stories including 'Shut Down the Pick Up' (Waste, 2004, Paroxysm Press), '5', (Shotgun, 2006, Paroxysm Press), 'The Arvo & Early Evening of the Axe', (10 Years that Didn't Kill Us, 2008, Paroxysm Press), and 'The Charnel Stink Within', (Mini Shots, 2008, Vignette Press).

Shane has also been involved with the National Young Writer's Festival as a panellist, Assistant Manager and Short Story Co-ordinator. In 2006 he was runner-up in The Age Short Story Competition with his entry Remaking the Image of the World which called a 'highly inventive story, chocked with surrealistic allusion, nightmare imagery and psychological menace' by the newspaper's literary editor Jason Steger.

He is currently developing one of his stories into a feature film.

Read more by Shane at Lupara Publishing- Wolf shot words written to dancehall & acid house

Published in The Diamond & the Thief - November 09
Forest. By Shane Jesse Christmass

gratuitous performance part poetry & government the grey-gold of the dying sun & eucalypt the tumbling bramble of the woodline the pricklebush bunting lawnward the slashing firebrand of the sun above the corking turn of the asphalt road the clayed gorge oldtime crumbling within coppered soil-rust the alcove of haunt and shadow horrible sweats dream-delved salves of shit the hounding hell the strangulation in sleep the forest. the folding forest. the tyranny of the branch tree the septal and petal and fungus underneath the confluence of the stem upon the spinifex an infinite divisibility within the ragged forest. on and on it goes splintering matter that can't be seen invisible kangaroo and coal mine no concern for the road train the deep sky-high ant mounds & carving hills underground radiation unto the salt-berth and extinct seabed fossilised whales & the primal cartoon on the desert plane the tabernacle of the scream & tree knot the nihilist the nihilist forest. the moral-less body the soot of the cobalt tunturia the granule whirlpool of septic dust the golgotha syrup of the skull desert the turning grain of the wheat stretched upon the sun-shackle the lumber-curve of the onan-horizon the magpie-silt of the stalk-branch arching cloud-troth the figaro of moss on the reed it's the unthinking bomb the adroit scar of the landscape the incredulous smack from the lightning-lip the depressing drape of the hilltop range forest. an infinite soil-rust of the landscape the incredulous and the nihilist and passion of the third skull desert the turning forest. the tyranny of the branch from arching fungus underneath the confluence shadow it is tunturia the alcove of haunt and divisibility radiation unto the prickle-bush bunting adroit scar of the deep sky-high hell the wood-line corking turn of government the onan-horizon lawnward the grain folding the stretched goes & petal seen dream-delved moral-less body the syrup of the stalk-branch passion of the third the gorge tree horrible sun-shackle the lumber-curve upon magpie-silt of golgotha ant-mound & the asphalt road the clayed extinct seabed the invisible coal mine the strangulation whales & dimension forest. stem tree the sun sweats unthinking slashing and worm-worn primal cartoon on the desert plane the cobalt granule whirlpool of septic dust old-time moss in the grey-gold of the dying upon salt-berth and salves of shit the hounding dimension splintering matter that can't be soot spinifex scream & carving hill sleep the forest. the nihilist the hilltop range wheat crumbling within coppered forest. bomb the forest. gratuitous performance part poetry fossilised above the reed of firebrand within the ragged forest. it's the sun and cloud-troth the figaro of tabernacle septal underground the bramble knot the eucalypt the tumbling cactus-flecked lightning-lip the depressing drape of the forest.

As published in The Diamond & the Thief – September 10 edition

By Shane Jesse Christmass

We come into a slight-sized room ; Two men are developing their nuclear arsenal, this includes compulsion, rats & snakes ; One of the men was injured, surprisingly from a natural act of self-cannibalism that had occurred. The United Nations had put the stupidest of sanctions on these two men ; stopping them from developing their nuclear arsenal ; The newspapers had described the men as, “two pole-wielding thugs who have previously proceeded with their altercations amid a bluster of middle-leaning talk”. In 2012, the Herald Sun called them, “a bunch of rocks, who kind of ate their own tongue and cheeks”. CUT TO: EXT LARGE OVAL MID-AFTERNOON – Leon Panetta is returning ; “We have clearly walked home!” he yelled. The grandstands were empty, the houses surrounding the oval had primarily produced nothing ; nonetheless, occasionally men met & applied differently the middle of the death negotiations ; It was 7:05 AM, the weather had increased to 17 degrees. The country of Turkey was now being used as evidence in a trial of murder. The Spanish had fallen back to the 16th Century. The newspapers were reporting two events ; overnight the ugly form body of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was found rubbery & tough in a dried riverbed ; the other was a bloody case of more self-cannibalism among three men from last Sunday ; the three men were in a park ; one had stomach ulcers ; they clearly were having a party ; one had some leather whip that was like the sea, squirting salty references to animals amongst the others ; suddenly these three chased someone-else ; this someone-else was walking home ; the three were in with the crime ; they stole his wallet, before driving in ; they stabbed him in his body ; CUT TO: INT DAMP CELLAR MIDNIGHT – Three televisions flicker in the corner of the cellar ; cultural nuclear bombs belong on the screen ; in the U.S. a growth grew out of a young girl’s stomach ; bloated & puffy ; On June 9, there was a separate issue ; Leon Panetta’s cousin was charged with assault ; a street attack he performed on 26th May ; the ABC network has reported that Ahmadinejad now states that Russia is ready with its nuclear weapons ; their last article on the evening news was about animals ingesting two groups of a shellfish-like organism ; A woman was spied at 11pm yesterday ; out at Springvale South way ; walking in a westerly direction ; she hailed a taxi ; got driven to McDonalds Rd ; she was clutching her stomach ; The Australian newspaper published a scandalised article on the war in Iraq, it stated that, “the war is just a futile exercise in force protection & dominant fun-loving theories perpetrated by the US troops”. P.O.V. of a muscular Stanley McChrystal. He is talking about combat rules, his lips are cracked, sun-shot. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT ; McChrystal is blubbering like a stuck-pig ; “This war is a strange occurrence! ; This has been the bloodiest month ; Our death hasn’t been accompanied by our freedom of action! ; We are the police in a counterpoint, we are spent, not once or twice, not even upon a decent balance, we might as well be suing natural persons in the state of Oklahoma.” ; CUT TO: EXT - A DEEP MUDDY PIT MID-MORNING – A grandmother is wounded, she is conservative in her wounding, it only seeps a little blood ; She yelps into the wind, “My sense,” she bleats, “ is about the parliamentary rules & their cyclonic twitch.” ; She spins a further 380 degrees, she’s 20 degrees in front from where she started ; a General David Petraeus walks upon the soil of Afghanistan ; he never liked the grandmother ; but he did like that she was in his nightmares ; an additional surge of coalition troops, he’d caught the Senate on the hop, those activists would be screaming three times a month! ; nothing in the city is reliable ; nothing will limit civilian casualties ; P.O.V of NATO ; with it’s fey, lisping queer voice, “An attack on any member shall be considered to be an attack on all!” it yelped ‘ ; EXTREME CLOSE UP - General Petraeus’ deadly force! ; the end of the world wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to you ; The General commands a meeting about Afghanistan ; he hires an irregular amount of armed services to further invade ; someone confiscates his computer ; his personal assistant collapse under the weight of her hypnological brain ; they engage upon a year-end review ; someone in the Armed Forces states it’s worse than prison ; dogs take naps ; troops take sleep ; Obama calls a press conference ; he claims that, “people in the Senate are taking derogatory stabs at his character ; they’re imploring me to kill something, or in turn put a General in place, who can be called to face the biggest challenges, that of causing more causalities.” ; The transition of the Afghan is to be charged & published on pro-democracy muscle, it would take a lot of time ; might be attacked by subversion ; LAWYER BRIAN GUZMEN (nervously) OFF-SCREEN – He steps into the cupboard ; scrying action & scenes ; smoke wiring off the black mirror ; “This is a normal situation! ; more than a 100 grenades are beneath Brian Guzman’s feet ; the grenade’s strike tweaks & refinements ; “We wish to raise the standard that we liken to ordinary & plain Americans” ; CUT TO: AUGUST 1999 – 30,000 troops advance on your hometown ; an emergency dispatcher falls asleep ; he was doing it outside his sleep schedule ; they end up taking over the hometown ; massive air strikes come & go ; CUT TO: SAFE HAVENS / NATO FORCES – some hypnic jerk within the troops published one of those ‘free press’ newspapers that were so popular in the late 1960s ; He wrote that the, “war was determined solely by the tough confirmation ; the hearing was tougher before because the subject’s heartbeat was usually less intense, furthermore certain detention conditions imposed upon the insurgency remained resilient”. ; the NATO base felt like lead ; the architects that built them, plus the architects of the war were ‘suffering’ from body disorders ; the brazen daylight started to control how their limbs moved ; deprived Republicans were writing out police reports calling for the troop withdrawals ; “Our uncontrollable limbs are all for seeing a beginning into the withdrawing of our troops. We, as South-Western senators, wish to fight back!” ; Tis a pity they were trying, in the back halls, to discourage the allies from pulling out ; THE CAMERA FELL OUT OF THE SKY – Afghan security forces hit the ground ; paratroopers ; backed by the Human Chinese Army & Police ; everything thrashed about ; Taliban troop leaders rejoiced in what was now a near-nine-year war ; Liu Xianbin was promoted within the Chinese Democracy Party ; he was then sacked the next day ; he was certain his promotion was classified as a ‘surge’ ; he was promoted on December the 22nd ; demoted the next day, July 23rd ; Suddenly the coalition campaign was off & running ; car bombs tried to make others feel sympathetic to the free world’s concerns ; the fighting will continue ; The Taliban troop leaders amassed their grandsons to protect their men ; CUT TO: BOAT – MID-MORNING – MOMENTS LATER – Up on Capitol Hill several citizens from The City of Jalalabad were finally hooked up to a oxygen machine ; The President put forward his full strategy & nomination ; “Roughly two-thirds of this war is shit!” he yelled ; “I demand nominal state power.” – CUT TO: WASHINGTON – MID-MORNING – MOMENTS LATER – A television news reporter is standing out the front of the White House ; “Earlier today an activist was detained inside the city of Beijing, he had attempted to fight sleep, he was the commander of the coalition that controlled the air within the White House.” ; this left 24 Americans confused ; people were tasered with neurological cause ; stun guns were used with military & civilian imperative ; the people in the street were startled ; a dozen police were solicited & then appointed by the General to control & then disrupt these events ; CUT TO: RENO – DESERT – MIDDAY – MOMENTS LATER – Officer Thomas Duran, who was an involuntary call-up, took a hit on his medicine ; he watched several gunmen falling ; it was a strange sensation ; no one was at risk ; the violence in Iraq escalated badly ; the enemies convictions were felt to be reduced ; women & personnel were being injured ; those who fell asleep were at risk ; people were reconsidering the battlefield rules ; people back home wanted to relax and cease the war effort ; the US was rising up with rocket-propelled digitalis ; In one minute the amount of damage to the side of one person’s head was $US75,000 ($A88,547) ; CUT TO – WARNER BROTHERS STUDIOS - 4000 WARNER BOULEVARD, BURBANK, CA. 91522 – MIDNIGHT – The reanimated corpse of Jack Warner is leaking ; but also speaking, “Our enemies should be encouraged! he squealed ; “They are not harmful.” ; Jack Warner is paying for his 87 year old grandmother to stay overnight at the Saharan Motor Hotel located at 7212 Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood, CA 90046 ; Happy Birthday to War.

Pushlished in The Diamond & the Thief - January 11

Thermometers & Metronomes & Riddim Flow.
By Shane Jesse Christmass

punishment but as an over ridge
head to foot from that lucid carnage
escape to swaying swirls of mansion’s damage
to afford you burped suffices and dumb use forage
created breath sound furrows of beggar’s heaven lockage
a thoughtful star thinks a second in payment pillage
less your chances of high unimaginable mountains and sewage
head view chamber light confronting murderous savage
have paid rise and turned into a voyage

shot out again pleasure from paradise punished except purposes
turn shuddered chamber undisputed light as music in bleaches
changed without and weren't emptied hope by attending nothing boozes
could and what is deleted for resting skull breaks all cameras
many times known by that liked seasick crew who bounces
though not exclusively death to bone mooches
ire again and a great night infallible hard whooshes
dreading begins these instruments of torture who trounces
forget imminence gradations of Hades like being thrashes
is sailing in and casts derision upon sutras
locates windows to crimes stooges
children civil for present super session of hook marshes

why is up to open deemed release hidden from more than
flame of a saintly kiss rod so hard its time bagman
like found mouth working music for Afghan
expect to might have transcendence deadman
waiting finger in a world like any search of picture Tarzan
thus unresting and filled with pride many times raised reality he-man
had mysterious ways wrestling to say and obtain suntan
without fur all are in it little weight in evening light bedpan
roofs nerveless when last heaven is led never lived Koran

gratifying knowledge of one torture can it mystery await
having pleased someone who is dying animal trouble keeping feet death playmate
cut loose through service first hoping sun in each is cheapskate
expletive churned to graft its beggar's instruments certain mutate
shining wet name palliated in radical remission Kuwait
only insane kingdom draw fingers keep ground brain deadweight
into dark currently being dread nor unimaginable birthrate
imaginable more evening all hours that died deathrate

batter dropped in oil bursts the stars with revolver shots
stars visit my siren for dance step with her gem crackpot
sacrificed on mother-of-pearl on the ocean clots
blonde stars with black eyes red-haired stars with sparkling teeth inkblots
cigarettes forgotten delayed that afternoon because of hair nightspots
speak they speak the night seals the disciples of light-invented garrotes
consumptive assassin three women with white hands sit down slingshots
the path tombs the staircase to eternalize the birth of hidden belly sexpots
a little saltcellar Cerberus helmsman asks the passenger robots
the wave’s women with white hands brushed the teeth pretty on the stairs gunshots

beautiful all charming with sailors pitcher pin so that nice boldface
saver on my grave because one never late a ship of flesh airspace
comings and goings in the sky with crocodiles that never finish up crankcase
tortoise shell glasses magic grottoes star razor nurse him doughface
three suns only clocks thin hind legs with difficulty smearcase
the clergyman shaved with enamel eyes a doctor crawlspace
large counters are built the blood empties into my plate shoelace
what is left where she swims dark stars with beautiful breasts typeface
one for each eye one in all shapes and colours to wash her suitcase
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday whiteface
clouds all at once forget-me-not Chicago the trams make a noise like dogface

scaly tail chameleon this endearing animal smoked as usual
mills in the ever present eternity liar button doodled Babel
an ordinary sky Pacific Ocean air is sincere mistrust angel
foolish birds fly above the blue have forgotten it fungal
craft soaps electrocuted crystal at full island doesn't hackle
come back come back from my friends to listen to guzzle
shell glasses a clergyman shaved with a vain retinal
behind a carob tree the pirate hands another for feet puerile
one for yesterday executed the following morning while snivel
the crocodiles return to their drink the lovely skin suckle